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Dear Reader,

As I am currently the sole male contributor to this blog, I thought I would submit a post on the topic of masculinity. My first idea was simple yet profound: a post containing nothing but random words and phrases relating to masculinity. “Football,” “Bud Light” (although I prefer Sam Adams or Yuengling if I have to drink beer), “Sperries” (just learned this name yesterday although I’ve known what it was all my life—it’s a boating shoe popular with upper-middle-class Southern frat boys), “growl,” “ESPN,” “Braveheart,” “corvette,” “jackhammer,” “remote control,” “golf,” and “beating the shit out of someone,” et. al.

Then I decided it would be slightly more constructive to talk about how masculinity is defined in our culture and by the Church. How do these definitions differ? How do they reinforce each other? How could they be improved upon? How are they right or wrong, logical or completely stupid, beneficial or destructive? But that, I realized, was a post that would require significant research and patience on my part, and as I am generally lazy, this did not agree with my natural inclinations whatsoever.

I toyed with the idea of “opening up” (not a phrase to be automatically or instinctively joined with the ones listed above). I could talk about what I think masculinity looks like from my own point of view. I can assure you ladies that we guys do have an easier time of being single in the church. We’re expected to be less mature and need far more time before we “settle down,” but we are expected to do so eventually, and the cultural wedding clock is ticking, although not as quickly or as loud as yours.

But opening up—that’s sissy stuff.

I can’t deny that I prefer to watch a 1940s mystery like The Big Sleep rather than “Movies For Guys Who Like Movies” (i.e. Dirty Harry or Point Break or something with Jean Claude Van Damme or Bruce Willis). Although I have to admit that Die Hard is one of THE most exciting movies of all time. And watching football is only a little less boring to me than watching C-Span or Senator Joseph Lieberman (or worse, Joseph Lieberman on C-Span…talking about football. That would be really bad. On the other hand, insomniacs would rejoice at finally discovering a cure that works.)

I eagerly await a Facebook quiz entitled “How Masculine Are You?” I’m a big fan of self-diagnosis by way of the internet. It saves me a trip to the doctor and lots of money and also the burden of having to “open up.” I’m relieved to report to you that this means I will probably pass the impending Facebook masculinity quiz.

I have noticed that within the church there is this sort of “Battle of the Sexes.” Not in the Spencer Tracy-Katharine Hepburn-Adam’s Rib way, but this sort of social construct that says “birds of a feather flock together.” Boys hang out with boys and girls hang out with girls. Won’t dispute the healthy, natural importance of this. It is important. Very important. On the other hand, a little integration could go a long way in helping students to be able to converse with the opposite sex in ways other than awkward, irritating, or restraining-order-inducing.

I close, with these thoughts, dear Reader: We ought never to define ourselves solely by our masculinity—or femininity, as it is the lifelong work of childhood bullies, nosy church wives, and facebook quizzes, to forever undermine our security on either side of the pendulum. And in the words of someone very wise, “I’m afraid I’ve run out of things to say.”